Their relationship has always been complicated, it the kind of love-hate relationship that is always on and off again. They were both unable to live together, but their couldn't live with each other either...
Debbie has accepted Kim like her own daughter in her house, because Kim had been kicked out from her house by her alcoholic parents. She used to live at Debbie's home as Marshall's foster sister. She first couldn't stand Marshall, they used to fight like brother and sister, but suddenly became inseparable.
In 1995, Kim got pregnant from Marshall and gave birth to their daughter Hailie Jade.
It is Hailie who gave Marshall the courage to fight for his dreams and also to take his responsibilities as a father. He wanted to be different from his own father.
He used to work very hard at Gilberts' Lodge during this period.
His life in the neighborhood was really bad. Their appartement was visited very often and stolen.
Their couple life started to become very hard in December 1996 when Eminem was fired from Gilbert's Lodge for his absences. He was unable to feed his family and Kim simply left him. According to her, a man has to take financial care of his girlfriend or wife. That's what we could call a “dependant woman”.
During the night Kim left him, Eminem wrote “Rock Bottom” and attempted suicide.Fortunately , he survived to his suicide.
Kim used to forbid him to see Hailie. One day, he went to his stepfather's home to see Hailie, but he pulled out a gun and told Marshall: “You are no good. I don't wanna see you again or I'll kill you.”
Kim was using Hailie as a weapon and Marshall was suffering from the situation.Once he told Kim he was going to take Hailie to a fast food, but he took her to the studio and used her voice in the “Bonnie and Clyde 97” song. He uses Hailie's voice and talks about murdering Kim.But the hidden message behind “Bonnie and Clyde” is an expression of love. It was just another way to tell Kim to come back to him.
People who are shocked by the lyrics of this song seem to forget that Kim was Marshall's first love.Eminem himself expressed it very well : “Me and Kim, we been through our dramas and shit, but I've been bald-faced lying if I said I don't love her or I'm with her because of my daughter. I'm with her, 'cause I really wanna be with her. I love that girl, man. I really do."
On June the 14th 1999, Eminem married Kim, but he filed divorce one year later because he saw another man –John Guerra- kissing his wife.This event could have cost the famous rapper his career, because he pointed an unloaded pistol on him. Kim pretended that this kiss was innocent.Who is going to believe her? The kiss John Guerra gave to Kim seems to be a rather intimate kiss...John Guerra admitted it.
In July 2000, during Eminem's “Up In Smoke Tour”, Kim attempted suicide. She tried to slit her wrists with a razor.She felt humiliated, because Eminem was using a naked doll on stage that was called “Kim”. She also filed a 10 Million dollars lawsuit against her husband for defamation.
Kim has shown some instability in her behavior after her suicide attempt.
After visiting a nightclub she fought with her twin sister Dawn. The Detroit police accused her of hitting her sister in the head and in the face.
Kim also seems to have some cocaine addiction problems.She was found twice in possession of cocaine betweeen 2001 and 2003.
In her relationship to Marshall, Kim's problem has always been to share her husband with the whole world. Nobody could blame her for that, but rather on the fact that she always broke up with her husband when he was financially down or facing some personal difficulties.
We may doubt her sincerity, because she always comes back when Eminem is wealthy and successful.
Eminem's divorce was finalised in 2001.Both share the legal custody of Hailie Jade, a joint custody Marshall had to fight for, because Kim wanted to prove Marshall was unable to raise Hailie.
The recent events (Kim facing drug possession problems) have rather shown her weakness and instability , again. This might compromise her chances to avoid a jail sentence and to be judged as a decent mom.
During his Anger Management Tour in June 2003 , Eminem came back to Detroit on a private jet to ask the Court for Hailie's full custody, because he knew Kim had been arrested for cocaine possession and he was worried about Hailie landing in a foster family.
Since his probation period, Eminem has shown much more stability for the love of a little girl, “the only lady he adores, Hailie.”
Eminem's divorce
Marshall and Kim have known each other since the time they were teenagers. Moreover, Kim grew up at Debbie's home as his foster sister.
Both started dating when Marshall was about 16. Because it has constantly been off and on,their relationship has often been qualified of being “rocky” and “volatile”. Marshall and Kim have a daughter, Hailie Jade, in common, who was born on Christmas day in 1995.
Marshall and Kim were married in June 1999 and chose to separate legally in August 2000.
His divorce was certainly a hard pill to swallow for Eminem.
During this dark period of his life, Marshall and Kim's privacy have been exposed more than ever.
When he caught Kim cheating on him with John Guerra, Marshall took the decision to divorce in early June. Then in July, Kim attempted suicide at their home in Sterling Heights in presence of her mom (Kathleen Sluck, who gave the 911 call) and of Eminem's brother Nathan.
Marshall was the first to file divorce papers against Kim in August 2000, because he saw this divorce as unavoidable. You will be able to check out his divorce complaint here:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/emdivorce1.html
Then, in December 2000, Eminem and Kim tried to work out their problems and to give their marriage a second chance.
Both signed an agreement to dismiss the divorce claims, also for their daughter Hailie's highest interest.
But, then again, Kim filed divorce against Marshall in March 2000: she was seeking now physical and legal custody of Hailie, for high childcare costs. Kim was also trying to prove Marshall was unfit to raise Hailie.
The Court decided that Marshall was a “loving, devoted” father and allowed Marshall to share custody of his daughter. The childcare costs had been set to $142,480 a year.
She also had a 10 Million $ lawsuit inside her palm for defamation: Kim was suing Marshall for defamation on the song “Kim”. Many people may argue that the song “Kim” ended Eminem's marriage with Kim, which is something I really doubt. Let me tell you why.
The song “Kim” was written in 1998, at a time both were separated. The song “Kim” was a way for Marshall to get Kim back in his life. It was just another way to tell her: “Look, this is how I feel about the way you treated me. I do suffer a lot. But I definitly want you back in my life. Can't live without you.”
“Kim” is not the only “lyrical murder” of Marshall's baby's mom. In his song “97 Bonnie and Clyde, Kim gets murdered as well. And, as far as we know, Kim didn't react that badly to the “Bonnie and Clyde” song nor to the “Kim” song, that Eminem and his ex wife used to call “the media's favorite”:
“When Kim first heard 97 Bonnie and Clyde she said 'Your an asshole...bla bla bla...but when she heard the song Kim, it's funny because I will always remember this, we were sitting in the car. I looked at her and I said 'Well, do you have anything to say?' She looked over at me and said 'Your crazy, seriously...your fuckin' crazy!"(Eminem)
Then how shall we explain Kim's sudden ressentment against Marshall?
We should remember that Eminem was performing on stage at the “Up In Smoke Tour” with a naked Kim doll. A Kim doll he was beating up on stage. Which Kim felt as humiliating.
Some other facts may also remain in the shadow of the public's eye.
Eminem's divorce has been finalized in March 2001. Eminem and Kim have been back together several times since their divorce. It has been on and off, again and again. Their relationship is far from being simple: there is a lot of pain, anger, frustration, addiction love and hate inside of it.
Marshall has made an attempt to define it in his recent and beautiful song “I Love You More” in which he warns anybody who is trying to stereotype his relationship to Kim:
“And anybody who thinks they know us doesn't know shit...”
Don't try to judge a story that escapes from the ordinary rules of conventional couples...
Since her arrestation for cocaine charges on June 2003, Kim has caused a lot of trouble and sorrow to Marshall. Breaking the rules of her probation terms, she has been put in jail. She has also been given the chance to have a rehabilitation program, but appearently she also broke the rules.
Kim has gone AWOL for the second time for weeks now. The first time she disappeared, Eminem had prevented her from suicide.
I am also asking my fellow fans not to insult Eminem's ex wife. I don't necessarely approve her behavior, but she's been through a lot and she had to cope with sharing her ex husband with the whole world, which is -believe me- far from easy.
The fact also remains that Eminem still has feelings for her. So please, if you love Marshall, respect his feelings and his choices.
The press has spilled a lot of ink about Marshall and Kim's story, the media have constantly displayed lots of details about their privacy, but probably the most objective and honest sentences can be found in Marshall and Kim's own statements when they both talk about each other.
Eminem tells us that his relationship to Kim has been far from easy:
"Me and the missus, we go at it. It's no secret, we've had our share of problems."
Eminem has shared his problems and his frustrations about with his public. To people who reproach him to have talked about killing his baby's mom in his songs his answer is:
"Look. I was pissed off!" That's all I could say. I really felt that I wanted to do that shit. At one point in time, I really wanted to do that shit. For real."
When Eminem is pissed off and feels really bad, he wants to shares his feelings of the moment with his audience.
Kim used to get mad at Marshall talking about killing her in his songs:
“ Kim used to get mad when I rapped about wanting to kill her. ”
When Kim reproached him to put her in his songs, he answered:
'look if you piss me off when I'm writing a song, you might be in it'
That rule also applies to anybody who will try to anger Marshall.
You might have heard a lot of cusswords and insults towards Kim in Eminem's songs. But if Eminem puts her on a record, that also means that Kim is worth writing about her, even if the song expresses a lot of pain and anger.
"My baby's mother put me through a lot of shit, so she's worth a lot of songs."
Eminem fans- female fans in particular- need to be very cautious when they start talking about Kim or Hailie, because they should know Marshall may not appreciate it at all:
"Just because I talk about my daughter and put her in my songs, or I say something about Kim in my songs, doesn't give you the right or nobody else to talk about 'em and feel free to do so."
Why use demeaning words against this woman, Kim, that you don't even know? Many female fans have totally misinterpreted “97 Bonnie And Clyde” and “Kim”, ignoring that Marshall's songs were both reconciliation attempts. Eminem clearly expressed it in the introduction to the lyrics of the songs in his book “Angry Blonde” which define the context of each song.
The way Kim described Marshall is quite interesting too. She defines him a a “down to earth guy”, who really loves his fans:
"Marshall is just a down-to-earth guy. Neighbor kids always mob him to sign their shirt. He loves his fans. I look at him as Marshall- not as a famous person."
Fame hasn't altered Marshall's simplicity and that's also one reason why he is so much appreciated by his fans:
"We aren't going around with diamond rings and fur coats. [Eminem] earned his money the hard way. His anger for his mother comes out in his songs. He owes her nothing."
Kim eventually expressed what caused her a lot of pain: the nearly total exposure of her privacy:
"Just because my husband is an entertainer, that does not mean that our personal business is for everyone's entertainment purposes."
Knowing that the invasion of the Mathers' privacy has increased more and more (some people even managed to sell Eminem and Kim's correspondance on ebay by putting their dirty noses in Eminem's trash), the call towards fans to respect it is much more than an emergency call.
How Come
Marshall Mathers and his D12 crew will certainly amaze you with their new video to the D12 World song “How Come”.
Flashback to the period of the “Infinite” album: a younger Marshall is interpreting his song “Jealousy Woes” on stage. Back to the period where Marshall was having fun and also argued with his D12 crew.
Marshall makes his listener and viewer feel how much he misses this period. At this time, Marshall and Kim were together and despite the numerous arguments inside of their couple (that also rhyme with passionate love), Kim used to communicate with him.
Kim has disappeared for weeks. Nobody really knows where she is. Maybe is is also her SOS call for some attention from her ex husband's side, although Marshall never really lacked attention towards her.
It is also obvious that she sometimes manipulates Marshall's mind. Depressive and suicidal people want people to constantly pity them and feel sorry for them. One thing is sure: Kim needs some help. But it is up to her to face her own demons. Nobody will do it in her place.
Marshall has made his way to success. He is wealthy, has a large audience of fans and of people who really appreciate his huge talent. But deep inside, a huge pain still remains. Marshall feels hurt by Kim's attitude. He has no news from her. He would at least like her to call him from time to time:
“How Come.. we dont even talk no more
And you dont even call no more
We dont barely keep in touch at all
and I dont even feel the same love when we hug no more
And I heard it through the grapevine.. We even Beefin Now
After all the years we been down.. aint no way no how
This bullshit cant be true
We Family.. aint a damn thing changed.. unless its you!”
Marshall has admitted having made mistakes in his couple (who doesn't?). Because he has symbolically killed Kim in his former songs “97 Bonnie and Clyde” and “Kim”, he's been described like a monster by the media. But the same media don't understand that Marshall Mathers is a devoted family man in real life. Marshall and Kim have a little daughter in common and Marshall has always stated his unconditional love for Kim. “I love you more” is nothing else than a beautiful love ballad for his ex wife.
Marshall will move you when he talks about Kim's blindness and change of feelings towards him:
“We were so young
So full of life and vibrance
side by side, wherever you was riding, I went
So close, almost on some bonnie and clyde shit
When Ronnie died you was right by my side
with a shoulder to cry on and tissue to wipe my eyes
and a bucket to catch ever tear I cried inside it.
You even had the same type of childhood I did..
sometimes I just wanna know why is it that you succaim to yours
and mine I survived it. You ran the streets, I 9 to 5ed it
we grew up, grew apart as time went by us..
and I blew up to both yours and mines surprises.
Now I feel a vibe I just cant describe it
much as your pride tries to hide it. your cold
your touch is just like ice.
And your eyes is a look of resentment.
.I can sense it and I dont like it.”
He will bring you back to his difficult times and make you understand that Kim shared those hard times with him. Whatever happens between the two of them, a part of Marshall will always love Kim. This part of him is bleeding and his pain is immense: Marshall is quite unable to swallow Kim's change of heart.
Eminem is followed by Kon Artis whose part is admirable. Kon Artis plays the role of a loyal friend who tells Marshall his opinion about Kim and asks him to to hate on him for spitting the truth (that deeply hurts):
“It was my dream at first to be off spitting a verse
on my own album with a deal but shit got worse
fore I came out I woulda killed a nigga first
for I let him disrespect me, or check me over some
worthless bitch that I wasnt with
I woulda hit it and quit
but you were fitting to talk with her and tell her she was the shit
I told you dont get involved with her
you would smoke in the car with her
coming outta the bar with her
stumbling half drunk
like you were husband and wife or somethin
but me catching her fuckin other niggas musta hurt your pride or something
cause you were openin your mouth to people like you wanted with me.
when all I tried to do was show that your bitch was shifty.
And every sister, fares and all the shit that I produced
you acting like I aint your man and lying like she cant be loose.
But I am really your friend, I'm just trying to tell ya the truth.
Dont hate the game or the player...”
the one thats changing is you.
In the video, you can see an incredibly beautiful Kim smiling. Marshall shares his nostalgy of those ancient times with us, but also his pain for being betrayed by Kim.
Proof also talks about a dead frienship and about the disadvantages of being famous:
"Its gets lonely at the top cause my homie had to stop
now we acting like I gotta live only for the block.
And homies in the hood only see me on the tube
So they gossip on the porch
Get ta speaking all rude. fools I used to rap wit all expect magic
like my finger get to snappin
and poof it just happen.
But proof is just acting out the part he was thrown,
shady made it so my babies aint starving at home.
See the devil in your glance,
since the ghetto we been friends, forever real intellegence,
thats forever till the end.
I peep the hatred in your eyes, and the satan in your lies,
aint wasting my time with these snakes in disguise.
(HOW COME) When you talk it's with bitter and spite?
(AND HOW COME) It's my fault for what you did with your life?
And everytime I go to hear you play, you look away,
we barely embrace, you cant even look me in my face."
The song “How Come” is mostly about Kim, but it also describes (as you can see it in the video) the little arguments that may occur in a family like the D12 crew.
Marshall is a man of heart who has always expressed his love for Kim and his song is a message for his ex wife not to turn her back against him.
Kim has been arrested on June the 15th in Ann Arbor, Michigan. She's been sentenced to one year of jail but she has to serve for about 140 days and to follow a drug therapy.
Is Kim gonna make it ?
It seems like Kim Mathers has been in trouble since a long time. She's been arrested for cocaine charges while Eminem was touring in Europe last year.
Since June 2003 till now, Eminem's ex wife has made the headlines. The tabloids haven't stopped talking about her.
Kim's cocaine addiction problems seem go back to 2001. In 2001, Kim had also had problems with justice for the same reasons.
From June 2003 to June 2004, Kim has tried to run away several times from justice, causing her family members a lot of trouble. It seems like Kim can't get rid of her addiction problems.
But there might be more difficulties hidden behind Kim's behavior. While trying to run away from justice, we may ask : what else was Kim Mathers trying to escape from ?
It is more than obvious that she was trying to send some SOS calls all around people from her entourage, and aimed at Eminem, in particular. Maybe there is also a little bit of manipulation in her behavior. Like many alcoholics, drug addicts also try to attract people's attention. They obviously want people to pity them.
Kim's behavior is also the expression of her unhappiness and unsatisfaction. If it wasn't the case, she wouldn't have risked to lose Hailie's custody.
Something is going wrong in her life. Some people would argue : she's rich, she's got everything to be happy, she's got two beautiful little girls etc...
To those people, I would like to say : you don't know details about her every day life. And maybe sometimes Eminem's fame is something really hard to carry for her.
On June the 15th 2004, Kim has been arrested at an hotel in Ann Arbor, Michigan. On June the 30th, she's been sentenced to one year of jail, but she will have to serve only 140 days in jail ans she will have to complete a drug treatment afterwards. If she fails, she risks one more year of jail.
I have seen people on an anti Kim website expressing happy comments about Kim being jailed. Can't you selfish people see the problem from Hailie's point of view ? A little girl doesn't understand what happens to her mom and why she can't see her.
Don't accuse my article of being « pro » or « anti » Kim. I am not « pro » nor « anti » Kim either. I am just an investigative journalist (who happens to be a huge Eminem fan) and who is trying to keep as objective as possible about Kim. To those people from the anti Kim board who are happy about Kim's issues, I find your attitude more than despicable. You don't know this woman. And to your info, she still got a lot of importance in Marshall's eyes, so in your place, I would respect that.
Besides her drug addiction, Kim Mathers is experiencing serious personal problems. She will need some medical help and to show some good will if she wants to overcome her bad times. Let's wish her good luck for the future.
Kim Mathers' detention in Macomb County jail
The Star Magazine recently published an article informing the public about Kim Mathers' detention time in jail.
After two months of detention, Kim is feeling down. She's been deprived of Marshall and Hailie's visits. She feels abandoned and all alone.
According to a close source to the Mathers family, « "Kim's really bummed out that Marshall and especially Hailie, hasn't visited ... »
Some people may wonder why. But people who perfectly know Marshall also know how much protective he is towards Hailie.
According to Todd Nelson, Eminem thinks that his daughter could be traumatized if she saw her mom behind bars, which is understandable:
« Marshall feels it would traumatize Hailie to see her mother behind bars, having to talk to her through a window and not being able to even touch her mommy."
Marshall could have visited Kim alone. Then why hasn't he done it? Maybe because there is a little bit resentment inside of him. After all, Kim has made his life a living hell for months, she has disappeared without thinking about the consequences.
Kim didn't even care about what could happen to her daughters and to Alaina, her twin sister's daughter who's been adopted by Marshall.
Kim has shown a lot of irresponsibility in her behavior and no wonder if her ex husband is mad at her.
But Kim's behavior is the behavior of an addicted woman, who loses herself in the world of drugs instead of facing her problem. The publics' eye has no mercy for a woman, whose personal life is constantly exposed: Kim is going through bad times like anybody of us has been through. It is just that our mistakes are not exposed publicly.
Kim run away several times since she was facing cocaine charges. Her whereabouts explain a wish to escape to the real world and they are certainly a strong SOS call towards her entourage.
Kim wants some attention, especially from Marshall.
It looks like this time she will have to prove her good will to Marshall.
According to the same friend of the Mathers' family, Eminem's ex wife is now conscious of her mistakes and that she has hurt a lot of people through her irresponsible behavior:
« She realizes she's let a lot of people down by her behavior. »
She also expressed the wish to accept the help she need, which sounds rather encouraging:
« She's vowed to straighten herself out and stay clean. She's eager to stick to a rehab program and get the help she needs."
Will Kim clean up her act? Time will tell.
Card Kim sent to Marshall (Credit to Ultimate Eminem)
Kim's shady face
Don't misinterpret the intentions of my article: the following statements about Kim Mathers are based on real facts and are not meant to be demeaning towards her. It is just the awful truth exposed.
How often has Marshall been described as a vile person, a monster and a violent misogynist?
His lyrics have been used in women courses studies to demonstrate how bad Eminem's music was for women's image in young men's minds. Some ignorant people also called him « a woman beater ».
I came up today with the non hidden intention to destroy those legends for ever, well weaponed with true facts coming from Detroit insiders' mouth. Facts that will even close Eminem's detractors mouth...at least for a while.
Matter of fact: Eminem has misogynistic sounding lyrics. He also dissed and « murdered » Kim in his lyrics several times.
The anger expressed in « '97 Bonnie and Clyde » and in « Kim » are based on real facts, as most of you probably know. During the period Eminem was dating Kim in the past, he was neighbors with Detroit underground rapper Hush. Both men were friends and used to live between Nowara and Bentler Street in Detroit.
MC Hush will testify that each fact in Eminem's lyrics can be verified as true:
“Everything he says in his rhymes is true." (Mc Hush)
Eminem and Mc Hush knew each other very well. They used to collaborate for Da Ruckus, which is MC Hush's group. Some of you have probably heard the Da Ruckus produced Uncle Ill- Eminem song « We Shine ». MC Hush has also produced the beats of the mischievous Slim Shady EP.
MC Hush is a key person who has witnessed Marshall's rocky relationship with Kim. He knows how much Marshall struggled to provide a comfortable life for his family and his frustrations with the flop of his Infinite album at the time both men had little kids to feed:
“By summer of '95, Em was like, 'Man I got a baby on the way. I gotta do something, I gotta make some money or there's no way I can take care of this shit.' He just seemed overwhelmed. ...
“I remember a few months before our babies were due riding together to do a cable TV show. He didn't even want to go. I was like, 'You got to promote your shit,' but he was just angry. He'd put out Infinite, and it wasn't doing well.” Rap radio “wasn't real wild about playing a record by a white kid. Everybody was talking that Vanilla Ice shit. When [radio DJ] Billy T. did finally play it, he actually faded it out just when Em's verse came up. He was crushed. He was like 'Man, if this record doesn't hit, this is it, I quit.'”
At the beginning Marshall's financial difficulties were that big that Hailie couldn't live with him:
“Hailie was born Christmas Day 1995 — my son was born right before that. But Em wasn't living with Kim because he had to get his act together,” Hush recounts. “He had a car, this beat-up Mercury Tracer, and he'd get a job, making pizzas, cooking, whatever — he'd go from one job to another. But he just didn't have the money, so Hailie had to live with Kim and her parents on the east side.” (Mc Hush)
Kim's manipulative character clearly appears in Marshall's former friends' statements.
Hailie has always been caught in the middle of the couple's arguments and (sadly) Kim used their daughter as a destructive weapon against Marshall:
“Sometimes he'd have Hailie for the day over at the house on Novara. Kim would just show up and grab Hailie and he'd be like, 'You bitch!' She was always holding stuff over his head for him to see the baby, like spending more time with her instead of his friends. He kept on saying he was gonna kill her ass. That's what [the song] 'Bonnie and Clyde' came from.” (MC Hush)
As I stated it in a preceding article, Marshall never laid a finger on Kim, no matter what happened between the two of them. On the contrary, Kim was the one to slap her ex husband:
“He and Kim had to fight like once a day; it was a mandatory thing. Always in the kitchen. I'd hear her smackin' him and no matter what he wouldn't hit her back. I hate to say it, but she kicked the shit out of him. He would never hit her. But she's a manly chick.” (DJ Rec)
MC Hush recalls their strong arguments too:
« When they were in a fight he'd scream a little but back down. There was something in him afraid of her, enough to let her win all the time. He was afraid she wouldn't let him see his daughter. »
Marshall has never been physically violent and he even accepted to capitulate in front of Kim, for the love of his daughter. Some might call it the attitude of a coward. I call it fatherly love. Nothing is more important to Marshall than Hailie and he didn't care losing the fight in front of Kim as long as his relation to his kid could be kept safe. Which is admirable.
Moreover, Kim has always put Marshall in very embarrassing situations. The Hot Rock Café incident is not the only one although it is well known from the public.
In 1997, Kim has taken a job in the Oasis Executive Spa on Van Dike Center Line. This is a massage parlor. Sounds normal...at first sight.
But the trouble is, the parlor was engaged in prostitution business.
Debbie tried to hide what Kim's job was about and gave a call to MC Hush:
« His mom called me up one day and was like 'You gotta go get Marshall because he's gonna kill her... »
This « unusual job » was driving Marshall mad when he knew. She had to stop it.
An attentive and further examination of Marshall and Kim's story from the beginning till now allows us to understand some major elements of their relationship and will lead us to some conclusions:
-Kim has always been manipulative towards Marshall. Marshall can be considered -literally- as her victim in their love life.
- Marshall appears to be the stable member of a dysfunctional family. As far as we can look into his past, he has fought to offer Kim and Hailie a stable home fulfilled with love. His former lyrics are the expression of the deception and the frustration in his love life and an urgent call for Kim to realize what's she's been driving him through.
Slim Shady might be a scary character, but Kim often revealed her shady face in real life.
About the "Puke" song from Encore...
When I first listened to Eminem's « Puke » song from his recent Encore album, I didn't like it at all. People who have read my Encore review know that I'm telling the truth. Despite the high opinion I have of Marshall Mathers as an artist and as a person, this song really disgusted me.
It didn't seem to have the ingredients of the mischievous « '97 Bonnie And Clyde » song, nor did it have the sadistic and dramatic dimension of « Kim ». It wasn't appealing to me like « I Love You More » that I enjoy as a spicy love ballad.
No. None of those elements could be found in « Puke ». The vomiting sounds added to my disgust of a song that I found mediocre.
Somebody told me once: « You need to listen to Encore over and over again. The album will « grow on you ». I guess this person was probably right about it.
One day, I happened to be in a bad mood and full of disgust. For very different reasons than Eminem's. I put the Encore disc on my computer and started listening to it. I was used to skip « Puke », but this time I didn't. Feelings of disgust were overwhelming me and this time it was not due to the vomiting sounds on the song. While I started listening carefully to the words of the song, I suddenly understood what Eminem was trying to express through « Puke ».
It was the expression of his total disappointment about a person he had always been loyal to. He was recalling all the embarrassing situations he had to go through because of his ex wife Kim.
Just the thought of her was too much:
« There I go thinkin of you again... »
Kim's behavior...flashback at the past events: Kim cheating on him, the Hot Rocks Café incident, Kim working at the parlor as a « masseuse », Kim's cocaine addiction, Kim leaving Hailie, Whitney and Alaina in 2003, her incarceration. Painful events. The redundant feeling of being used...and abused.
As the song goes on, another feeling takes place: it is anger. The anger of a man in front of his ex wife's irresponsible behavior:
« You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomach
Every time I think of you I puke
You must just not knoooooowww
You may not think you do
But you do every time I think of you I puke... »
It is a broken heart's complaint: not even the ocean could swallow its pain.
But then again, Eminem's love addiction takes place instead of his anger. He mentions his second recent tattoo with Kim's name:
« I was gonna take the time to sit down and write you a little poem
But off of the dome would probably be a little more
More suitable for this type of song woah
I got a million reasons off the top of my head that I can think of
Sixteen bars this ain't enough to put some ink to*
So fuck it I'ma start right here I'll just be briefer
Bout to rattle off some other reasons
I knew I shouldnt go and get another tattoo of you on my arm
But what do I go and do? I go and get another one now I got two
Oooooh now I'm sittin here with your name on my skin
I can't believe I went and did this stupid shit again
My next girlfriend now her name's gotta be Kim shiiiiiiiit
If you only knew how much I hated you
For every mothafuckin thing you ever put us through
Then I wouldnt be standin here cryin over you booooooooo »
Kim's name on Eminem's skin symbolizes the love he feels for her. He cannot get rid of her. She's on his mind and on his skin. You would barely tattoo the name of a person you despise on your skin. Going that far to put a person's name means to love and to honor her, no matter what.
Kim had disappointed Marshall. She has also driven him mad. Maybe she still does. But he still loves her.
Love, anger and disgust. Those mixed feelings appear in the first verse of « Puke ».
The second verse pictures a man who wants to empty his head from his bad feelings. Marshall thinks about putting his thoughts inside of a letter, but he wants to keep it shorter and do it the way he does it best: in a freestyle.
A freestyle is a good way to get rid of one's anger. A freestyle makes you enter into a battling mode and gives you the power to make your enemy look bad. Marshall wants to treat Kim like his « beloved enemy » and he is lyrically well weaponed to do so.
His message is full of sarcasms:
« You're a fucking cokehead slut I hope you fucking die
I hope you get to hell and Satan sticks a needle in your eye
I hate your fucking guts you fucking slut I hope you die (diiiiiie)
But please don't get me wrong I'm not bitter or mad... »
« Puke » is like a never ending cercle. The « So long, bitch you give me so wrong, I don't wanna go on, living in this world without you » message from the « Kim » song is still present. Sometimes Eminem hates Kim, he hates her so much he could « kill » her, but he can't help it: he still loves her. He is not ready to lose her.
But he is very conscious of a reality (Kim's behavior) that sometimes totally disgusts him and makes him want to puke.
The way I view Kim Mathers
I have been writing a lot about Eminem's ex wife. I have gathered many facts about her childhood, her life with Marshall Mathers, her stormy relationship with her ex husband, her drug addiction, her mistakes and her whereabouts.
I have also tried to analyze her character, her behavior towards Marshall, her addiction problems and her pain.
Many people are probably curious to know how I view the woman who has played a major role in Eminem's life and who still does.
The way I have written about Kim was certainly an unbiased approach of her character and her story.
I have stated once, in a former article that I couldn't qualify myself as « anti Kim » nor « pro Kim ». Why? Simply because I don't know her personally.
It is also because I don't know Kim Mathers personally that I don't allow myself to judge her in any case. I have no right to judge a woman whose life I only know through newspaper articles and though Eminem's lyrics.
One of my contacts from Detroit, who also happens to be a fellow Eminem fan, had the chance to meet Kim in Warren around 2000. When I asked him about her, he replied: « Kim is just a regular person. A cool person who had to face lots of problems. »
Kim's problems started since her childhood. Some people don't seem to envision it, but growing up in an unstable environment like she did with her twin sister is far from being easy. It is a matter of fact Kim didn't get along with her stepfather. She and Dawn grew up in an alcoholics' home. It has even been rumored that her step father has abused Kim physically.
Kim and her sister had the courage to run away from their home at the age of 13.
Then Debbie Mathers took care of her and raised her like her own child. Even at Debbie's home the situation has been far from simple at the time Kim started dating her son Marshall:
« It was rough to say the least. Every other day she would throw us out, throw shit at us, have temper tantrums. »
Life wasn't easy as Kim started living with Marshall in a real bad Detroit neighborhood. She nearly got shot by a stray bullet while doing her washing up in the kitchen. Marshall and Kim often got robbed at this time: several VCRs disappeared from their apartment at this time. The money Kim has saved for Hailie's college in her piggy bank had been stolen too, a painful event that Eminem recently recalled in « Mockingbird »:
« Either kept getting broke into and robbed Or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar Tryna start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college Almost had a thousand dollars till someone broke in and stole it And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart ... »
Then Marshall became famous and Kim had to deal with it.
I never denied her manipulative character towards Marshall, though. The facts that have been exposed in the Detroit Free Press and Metro Time from former friends of Eminem fully prove how much Kim used Hailie as a weapon as soon as she had some problems with her husband. We even know that she used to be physically violent towards Marshall, who never retaliated, for Hailie's sake. Being separated from his daughter was indeed his worst nightmare.
Eminem and Kim's relationship has been rocky, always on and off, that's the least we can say.
Then again, we have to consider that Kim also had a lot of pressures on her shoulders, her life and intimate life getting constantly exposed by the press.
Exposing some of their arguments, Marshall dissed her on his records. He dissed her because at the moment he wrote those songs he was really mad at her.
But the listener ought to know that most of the songs about Kim are the expression of Marshall's unconditional love for her.
You can be mad at someone, totally disgusted by the person's attitude and behavior and still love her.
Considering her behavior and her recent whereabouts, I don't approve Kim.
Of course, I don't approve her behavior towards Marshall, nor do I approve her betrayal with John Guerra. I don't agree with her irresponsible behavior, as a mom leaving three little girls, Hailie, Alaina and Whitney alone with no news for months.
Of course, I strongly disapprove some of Kim's actions.
But who am I to judge her? I have no right to judge her, since I don't know every inside detail of the story. I think that Kim must have been through very difficult situations and that she could hardly handle them. Since 2001, she had a problem with cocaine and had become addicted to this drug. An addiction that one could probably explain as an escape from big problems that Kim was unable to handle.
Kim has tried to commit suicide twice. In 2003, Marshall rescued his ex wife from killing herself.
Kim has often been portrayed as a monster by the press and also by some Eminem fans, but my point is, people should consider that she is only human.
To all of those who badmouth her, haven't you considered that you also make some mistakes? You are not perfect either. The only difference between you and Kim Mathers is that her mistakes have been exposed publicly.
Eminem's ex wife has paid a high price for being married to a celebrity. She didn't want all this exposure from the media.
The positive side of Kim is that she is a woman with a strong personality and this is probably what will help her to go forward.
The way I view Kim? As a normal human being with her failures and with her positive side too. She's a regular person and if I happened to cross her road, I'd show her the same respect as anybody of us deserves.
Analysis of Kim's character
The theme of Kim is recurrent in Eminem's lyrics since his debut career. Because Marshall Mathers dared to expose his personal arguments with his ex wife through some violent lyrics, he has shocked many conservative Americans. His lyrics has been interpreted as a glorification of domestic violence by people who often had a very superficial view and understanding of Eminem.
Some people went that far to call him a « former women beater ».
Some little 13 years old girls are also trying to draw a romantic picture of Marshall and Kim and show through the comments they put on their places dedicated to Eminem that they would like to be in Kim's place.
In fact, both of them, haters and lovers mentioned above, are totally wrong in their way of viewing Marshall and Kim's relationship.
To fully understand Eminem's music, you need to know the lyrics. But not the lyrics alone will help you to understand what is going in Marshall Mathers' mind. You have to explore the details of his life story that is behind the lyrics. You also need to be subtle enough to read him between the lines and to understand that some of his lyrics, like those of the song « Kim », express the anger and the deception of the moment.
Many people barely understand Marshall's love- hate relationship with Kim. It escapes from any traditional couple relationship. It is hurtful from both parts, full of passion and always off and on.
Matter of fact: Marshall needs Kim. Despite all, he considers her as one of the most important persons in his life.
Despite some common opinions about her, Kim is a woman with strong personality. Her weak side might be her addiction to drugs and her frequent change of partners. But anybody of us has his or her weak side anyway.
If you look at her story very well, Kim is a fighter. Since she was a kid, she had to struggle in order to escape from an alcoholics home with her twin sister Dawn. Sadly, she had to experience physical abuse from her stepfather at the young age of 12.
No doubt the physical abuse she experienced has left deep wounds and probably conditioned Kim's attitude towards men. Kim grew up at Marshall's home since she was 13. When she started dating him, she already knew his character and personality. Kim perfectly knew how she could take advantage on Marshall, particularly at the time Hailie was born.
Marshall accepted to make so many concessions in their couple-for Hailie's sake, because Kim would forbid him to see his daughter.
Kim isn't weak nor is she an horrible monster. I was shocked to read on some message boards : « the Mockingbird video changed the meaning of the word « Kim » to me... »
So you needed Eminem's personal footage to realize that Kim was a regular mom? Maybe not the most popular mom in the world, but certainly not the horrible whore some of you had in mind.
Kim always took care of Hailie and when she was unable to do it, Marshall took her place, which is something that could happen in any family.
People need to be very careful in their judgments about Kim, as Marshall points it out in his song « I Love You More »:
« We can make accusations, people spread rumors
But they ain't got proof
'Til they do it's just the two of us... »
We have been the witnesses of Kim's public side, but some inside facts remain hidden. That's why being very judgmental against Eminem's ex wife is certainly a huge mistake.
The song « Kim » and « '97 Bonnie And Clyde » are certainly Eminem's most popular on the Kim theme. Who doesn't remember those few lines from the « Kim » song?
« Quit crying bitch, why do you always make me shout at you? / How could you? / Just leave me and love him out the blue / Oh, what's a matter Kim? / Am I too loud for you? / Too bad bitch, your gonna finally hear me out this time..."(Kim) »
The listener is invited to watch some bad (fictional) domestic dispute involving Marshall and Kim. Rage, confusion, disappointment, sadness...so many feelings come up to the surface and portray the cheating wife and the betrayed husband with the tragically end that we all know about.
But the lines that are more revealing about Kim's character can be found in less known songs like « Bad Influence », for instance:
« You made me get a bigger attitude than eighty Kim Scott's... »
This specific line tends to prove that Kim is a woman with attitude. In the same song, Marshall says:
« But the funny shit is that I still go with the bitch... »
The conclusion of « Bad Influence » should give some food for thought to the listener...and make him realize that Eminem's relationship with Kim is like an addiction, as the song « I Love You More » will confirm it:
« It's an addiction and it can't be fixed... »
For the attentive listeners, the lines of « Till I collapse » reveal Kim's physically abusive character towards Marshall:
« My thoughts are sporadic, I act like I'm an addict
I rap like I'm addicted to smack like I'm Kim Mathers »
Bob Claus aka DJ Rec, Eminem's former roommate and MC Hush witnessed Kim slapping Marshall. It is a proven fact that Kim has been physically abusive towards her ex husband.
Despite the numerous arguments and despite all, you would see them back together .
So in real life Kim used to be physically abusive and Marshall's songs should be viewed as a verbal retaliation against Kim.
He made a lot of enemies with people interpreting his songs literally, as he points it out with lots of humor in Bad Influence:
« I know that "Just the Two of Us" would make you hate me this much
And Just the Two of Us
That ain't got shit to do with us and our personal life
It's just words on a mic... »
Eminem's songs tell the story. But the listener needs an attentive ear not to misinterpret it. Sometimes it is useful to investigate about the precise circumstances that his songs are about and his family story to fully get the message.
Kim is certainly an interesting and dominating character to discover that will teach you very much about the man whose music we enjoy so much.
